For all the popular movies Tinsel Town puts out, the film industry is one of the weirdest places ever, making bizzare creative decisions out of nowhere. But for every Lego Movie there’s an Emoji Movie and even though a five year old could tell you why Lego Movie worked and Emoji didn’t, Hollywood execs seem baffled and one could be forgiven if the powers that be were just playing darts with blindfolds on (that’s my current theory anyways).
This week I bring you all of the intriguing, the weird, and the disappointing stories straight out of the mystical and confusing land of Hollywood!
ROBERT PATTINSON IS THE CAPED CRUSADER
We’ll start with an easy one, for the last week and a half Twitter
Whether its Nolan’s real world take on the dark knight, or David Ayer’s weird gangster version of the clown prince of crime, it seems like movies are afraid to go too comic booky with the character.
And while Bats definitely works well as a grounded character, some of the characters best villains and storylines (Such as Batman The Animated Serries, or The Arkham Asylum games) work best in a full on comic booky world. We’ve had Nolan gritty, Snyder gritty, let’s go comic booky!
MATTHEW VAUGHN LOSES IT OVER X-MEN
Fox has dropped the ball with their mutant franchise so often that bad X-Men movies are basically a universal constant at this point … but the series nearly went in a very different direction. Rewind the clock to 2011, the MCU is still a weird experiment that isn’t expected to work, Spidey’s first reboot is still in the works (what a simpler time), and X-Men has faded out of the cultural zeitgeist … then comes X-Men: First Class and Days of Future Past and all of a sudden mutants are back on top, and then Apocalypse hit screens, and well, it sucked.
Now we have Dark Phoenix preparing to drop and it looks … well, like it’s gonna suck. However the franchise nearly took a different direction. According to director and writer Matthew Vaughn, Days of Future Past was supposed to be the third and final film in a trilogy meant to give the previous generation of films an ending.
“That’s one of the reasons I didn’t continue, because they didn’t listen to me. My plan was First Class, then second film was new young Wolverine in the 70’s to continue those characters, my version of the X-Men. So you’d really get to know all of them, and my finale was gonna be Days of Future Past. That was gonna be my number three where you bring them all … because what’s bigger than bringing in McKellen and Michael and Stewart and James and bringing them all together?” – Matthew Vaughn (interview with CommingSoon)
And the rest is history. What we got post Days of Future Past was a pretty unfocused third film with no thematic connection to its two predecessors and the unfortunate hand waving of a lot of the set up First Class left us with.
DISNEY STARTS A WAR
All hail our new masters as they conquer all forms of entertainment we consume. Recently Avengers: Endgame passed Titanic as the second largest box office of all time and still has a shot at beating Avatar for the number one slot. Now as someone who hates Avatar with a burning passion (it’s terrible and its success is baffling to me) a part of me is relieved, but also it hit me that Disney now owns both properties, so does it even matter?
Disney has bought out so many companies there’s an entire Wikipedia page on their acquisitions.
Now this is really nothing new, but their most recent acquisition of 21st Century Fox has the potential to put Netflix on the chopping block.
Ever since Netflix changed the way we watch television by creating original content, other companies have been playing catch up throwing us into a cold war of new streaming services that are gunning for Netflix’s crimson throne. And when Disney announced their new streaming service will only be $6/month, they became a major player in the game, but it didn’t make a whole lot of sense because there’s no way the Disney brand would allow for an original Scorsese film, like Netflix’s upcoming The Irishman.
Then the unthinkable happened, Disney announced plans to buy 21st Century Fox. This made them not only (potentially) the largest cinematic conglomerate in history, but it also skyrocketed their stock in Hulu (arguably Netflix’s biggest competitor) from 30% to 60%. And like that Disney found a way to have their cake and eat it too. The cold war is over, welcome to the war of the streamers. It’s still a big gamble because if you’re going to play the game of subscribers, you either win, or you’re YouTube Red.
SONY IS INCAPABLE OF LEARNING FROM HISTORY
The year is 2007, the X-Men trilogy wrapped up a year ago and The Dark Knight and Iron Man won’t be released for another year; as far as the world is concerned, your favourite neighborhood Spider-Man is the only superhero game in town (seriously what a simpler time).
The franchise is huge and too big to fail … right? Well, it probably would have been if Sony didn’t force Sam Raimi to shoehorn Venom into his movie creating an unfocused and poor narrative. The movie bombs and Sony cuts their losses by rebooting the franchise a few years later with 2012’s The Amazing Spider-Man. But now … something’s different. Just a few months prior to its release The Avengers makes history by actually working, and now Sony needs an edge to compete. What follows is a sequel hellbent on building a cinematic universe by again cramming in an extra villain and countless storylines. Now they’re in trouble.
The movie tanks so hard their only move forward is to have another studio clean up their mess and make their movies for them, and then they go on to make Spidey spinoffs, that aren’t spinoffs and don’t feature Spider-Man…
This is a lot of lead up, I know, I just really want to drive home how much their strategy DIDN’T WORK. Because now I hear a rumor Sony desperately wants to include Tom Hardy’s Venom character in the third Tom Holland Spider-Man film.
Let that sink in for a second.
Sony wants to shoehorn Venom into the THIRD SPIDER-MAN MOVIE!
Why does this keep happening??? How many more cries for help does the company need to make before someone asks them if they need a hug?
And that about does it, I could have probably found a few more, but every time I even think about Sony I start seeing spots and my sentences turn into a series of increasingly angry syllables including, but not limited to: “Bu-, Wha-, du-”
Hollywood though, amiright? Where popular movies are born and creativity takes a weird turn.